The Falcon Cannot Hear the Falconer.

TURNING and turning in the widening gyre
The falcon cannot hear the falconer;
Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;
Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,
The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere
The ceremony of innocence is drowned;
The best lack all conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity.

I am prone to wretched destructive fits of doubt, after which I rise invariably like a pheonix from the ashes, with renewed force. That’s hardly suitable for a cover letter, is it? Well, I am feeling a bit despondent. I was working in Ireland, doing customer service for UPS in Italian, and I returned to the States, to New York, to go to law school. I didn’t return for the love of America, I returned for the love of money- the beauty of America was that it was synonymous with money- and freedom. I was making about $17,000 a year at a customer service job in Dublin (on the phone all day with irate Italians, some of whom their rage would know no bounds when they dialed the 800 number because their package hadn’t arrived, and they reached me, a clumsy-tongued foreigner- get this foreigner off the phone! one shouted, and I handed him over to Luca Picardi, Neapolitan, who came to my defense, maybe this is the only real country that exists, the country of friends). I was making about half as much money as I would have in the same job in the US, and it was a job which required no college education. It was while I was waiting for my work permit to come through that I applied to law schools, at the urging of my parents. Then, after I started working, I was accepted into law school, and I left the job to go.

I wonder if I didn’t back the wrong horse. The fact of the matter is that I backed the right horse, but the right horse doesn’t always win. I came back to the US because I believed in the capitalist system, and I thought it was a good thing to become a lawyer. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I will never get over my amazement that of all the stupid things I did when I was young, the thing that really landed me up the creek was going to law school.

I joined this Bible discussion group, this was just before the 2008 election, and at the end of the discussion, the group leader asked us to submit prayer requests. “Pray for the country,” I said- probably a little too firmly, passionately, darkly. And the group leader answered, “Well, we’re really focused on prayer requests that are personal in nature.” “That is personal,” I said. “That is very personal.” New York City.

But, also, aside from patriotism, I’m frustrated because I spent all this time and money on education, just in time for the bottom to fall out of capitalism. I don’t believe the bottom really has fallen out of capitalism because capitalism is human nature- at least in the West.

Also, I’m frustrated because I went to the tea party protest and a mainstream media protest, and I don’t feel like much was accomplished. Our elected officials don’t care if we get out in the street and protest. I’m from New York State. Obama should be impeached, there are several bases. I would offer my fledgling legal skills to any such endeavor. We should be filing in federal court.